Majestic as Fuck: The Tale of Reasonably Priced Cheese

It was Tuesday, nothing special.  Just another day of work, gathering shopping carts in stifling humidity, with Carl.  The rainbow, at first, was a welcome break from hour three of Carl's Billy Idol impression. But, then they saw it.  

"Ed, is that...?"

"Can't be..."

"But, it looks like a unicorn." 

"We have heatstroke, Carl. Or we're having a stroke."     

"What..both of us?  At the same time."

"Yes."

"That is a fucking unicorn, Ed.  That is majestic as fuck.  Look at it!  Slowly coming towards us, like a fucking regal biscuit or something coming down an escalator."

"I'm officially changing my answer to delirium now." 

They watched in silence as it slowly descended.  

"Welcome to Trader Joes!" Carl shouted as the Unicorn set hooves on the hard pavement with a determined clack.

"I know we allow service dogs, but this really isn't in the manual."

The unicorn met Edwards blue eyes. 

"Is there anything we can get you?"  He asked baffled.

The creature stared back with a weird sort of indignation, then opened it's mouth wide.  

"Holy fucking shit!" Carl screamed as streams of lemmings jetted from the unicorns open mouth, immediately burying both Carl and Ed in a pile of furry rodents that somehow dissolved human flesh.     

From the half shade drawn windows customers and employees watched in horror as the unicorn approached the automatic doors.  

People scrambled away from the magical being as it walked by the bananas that you buy per banana rather than buy the pound like at most stores.  

One brave, but incredibly stupid, child darted from her mother's grasping hands running full throttle to the unicorn shouting "My little pony!"  Soon after, that child was dissolved in a pile of acidic lemmings.  The mother soon followed, which, the unicorn decided, was her fault. She saw what happened to the child. If she didn't want death by lemmings she would have stayed put.  This was all forgotten, as soon as the unicorn reached the cheese section.  Delighted, it selected a nice chunk of gouda and headed to the register.  

"Just take it!" The clerk shouted, terrified.

Tempted, the unicorn considered, but conscience won out.  Taking the cheese would be stealing and stealing is wrong. The unicorn locked eyes with the amoral demon whore and began to open it's mouth.

"Shit! $2.95 then!" she corrected.

Smart girl, that was indeed the exact price marked on the selected cheese.  The unicorn was pleased, and stamped it hooves.  Through the power of childrens laughter, love and sunshine $2.95 magically appeared on the counter.  

"I'm going green!" The unicorn announced, to the bewildered clerk.  

"Shit, it can talk!" One man shouted. Naturally, that man was promptly dissolved by lemmings. The unicorn proudly took it's wedge cheese without a shopping bag like a good environmentalist, and returned to it's rainbow.   Even terrified, despite the sizable wedge of cheese in it's mouth, everyone had to agree, it looked majestic as fuck.  

  

Denial

Pupils blown, breath hitching,  you are glass, wrapped in a red towel, in my arms.

You can let go...please let go.

I stroke the bones of your neck feigning comfort, because I am lost.

Will she ever come for you?

Or should I simply move my hand and slam the gates to your air?

The mercy of a monster, five more minutes I would have faced who I really am.

Terror masquerades in the hope of others.  

That I would close my eyes and in a flash of light be trapped in my past.

Caged eternal with them, with her, by immobile bars of pearl.

I wish for you to go like a painless dream, forgotten upon waking.

The relieved ennui of stars consumed by a black hole.

I wish for an end to your pain, and for me to have better wishes.  

Post-its

"Corine" he said, "It's after ten already, what are you still doing in bed?"

"I'm focusing all my mental energy on killing the sun, of course!"

"What? Why?" Mark was clearly alarmed.

"It's for you darling, it's all for you.  It's our anniversary after all!  The first year it's traditional to die in a horrible fiery collision with the sun, I think?"

"No, honey, I think it's paper.."

"Paper? Really? Paper burning in a horrible fiery collision with the sun?"

"Uhm...no."

"Oh, are you quite sure?"

"Yes, for fucks sake! I'm sure!"

"You don't have to shout." Corine pulled the covers up to her neck and thought.  "Well, you do like post-it notes, I suppose I can get you that."

"Post-its will be fine, dear.  Come out when you're ready."

"Mark? Will you make me some bacon?  I'd like five large plates, piled high with life draining bacon."

Mark blinked in incomprehension.  "I think we're out of bacon, there's some cereal in the cabinet when you're ready to get up."

Corrine sighed, "I suppose that will do."

Corrinne watched Marks quickly retreating form feeling relief wash over her when she was finally alone.   With a smile she closed her eyes and muttered.  "Post-its it is my love, post-its burning in a fiery collision with the sun!"

Citalopram

50 milligrams, to hone that which is not precise.

I am left twisted, reveling in my own strangeness.

It is a relief.

The desired effect was not that I leave society behind.

But, I am good at keeping secrets.

I claim this silence as mine.

You gift me digital parchments of your words.

I hum their rhythm,  feel your typos etched like scars.

They jangle nerve endings and make me smile.

Ricochet, images sent next in concerted resolve.

You've taken the queen too early, any master knows.

In this patchwork of obvious realization I only find tedium.

All I need is a precipice and the ability to jump.

I run back to that which is really me.  

I'll always be the exception to your spectre of normalcy.

You'll never know.