Neurotic-ca! (The song Madonna would have written if she was me.)

Submitted for your approval, or at least analysis. One woman, plagued by many neurosis. You have entered "The Neurotic Zone".

My top 20 list of neurosis in no particular order.

1) Clowns!! Clowns are a big one for me. I remember being approached by a clown as a little girl. He had offered to make me a balloon animal "Any kind of animal I wanted." Before I could answer, my grandmother grabbed me by the arm, drug me away and yelled "Get away from that clown, he's going to rape you!" Thus my fear of clowns was born. Plus, they're just plain creepy.

2) Needles!! There's just got to be a better way.

3) Any kind of change! We aspies like our routines and what to expect. When something changes, it shakes our whole world. I want the same thing, every time, the same way please as much as possible. Routine is comforting, change freaks me out!

4) Do not, under any circumstances watch me while I eat. I mean, ever! Please, keep eye contact with me as minimal as possible if you are my dinner companion. There's no rationalization of this one. I just generally feel judged while eating. As if people are thinking.."Yeah, shovel more food in heifer. Your ass is getting fatter by the second." Eating out, I will find a spot as far away from people as I can get. If my back is turned to the room, even better.

5) Are people mad at me? This is a big one. Overall I was not socialized as a child. Add to that, the Aspie inability to decipher people and you have one very lost person. I expend large amounts of time trying to understand others. I find I get it wrong, very wrong much of the time.

6) Magazines in the bathroom with celebrities on the cover. I always have to turn them over and if that doesn't work put a towel over the magazines. I worry that the celebrity pictured will suddenly get an image of me on the toilet if I don't do this. Just imagine, Bob Dylan, he's having a lovely meal and all the sudden "Ack! there's that girl on the toilet again! Why!!" Even though I do know that this is unlikely I prefer to spare Bob Dylan the discomfort, especially since I do have a rather small bladder. I also do not like being stared at.

7) That last bite of banana. No spider is going to lay eggs in my brain thank you very much!

8) Any large gathering of people for unknown purposes. Crowds in general make me uncomfortable. However, if I know why they are gathered together it does offer me some security.

9) Samples in stores that are handed out by people. I prefer the samples to just be free floating. I don't want to have to muster the courage to get free cheese. I would like to just have the cheese and not have to force myself to be social.

10) Confrontation. I am wet myself scared of confrontation. In a cape I do better, but not by much.

11) Too much of the color brown. I don't like the color brown in general. Large concentrations of the color brown can be very unsettling to me.

12) Certain public restrooms. If I have to go in public I prefer it to be at a bookstore.

13) Random pains. Is that cancer? Is my pancreas shutting down? Never go on webmd if you are at all neurotic. Seriously, don't!

14) Cell phones or any other cordless phone. I don't trust technology.

15) White colored vehicles. My eyes don't see white very well. A white vehicle in front of a white building can be virtually invisible to me. Not a good thing. So far no wrecks, but many near misses.

16) Centipedes. I was once told by my mother that if a centipede walks on you it will rot little holes in your skin. I have since found this to be untrue, but the repulsion to them remains.

17) Time. It's a concept I struggle with immensely. It goes at a snails pace for me. One day can seem like a week. I have to really stay on top of how much time has gone by. If forget I get panicked about bills not being paid, people who haven't written me (are they mad at me?) etc..etc.. This is a particular problem in my work. People want estimates of time their pets will be done. I am obscenely horrible at this. If forced to select a time it's chosen purely out of the air with no expertise at all. I then panic, skip lunch and end up rushing through my day to find I finished the pet 2 hours ahead of schedule. I always feel I am grooming too slowly. It is only my concept of time that makes me feel thus.

18) Food that has fallen out of it's packaging in the refrigerator. I was told as a girl any food out of it's packaging was full of worms. I can't shake it to this day. I think my family just made stuff up to keep me in line, truthfully. Very unhelpful.

19) Abandonment. Another big one! My life has been a parade of people entering and mostly exiting. I get tired of saying goodbye, so this fear pervades my every relationship with another being.

20) Very crowded parking lots. I will park in a lot I am comfortable with and walk several blocks if I have to avoid certain parking lots.