On being an real adult...
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"You probably play with toys." she told me. I had to stay quiet, because quite frankly, I do. I reminded myself I was at work, a place I maintain a pretense of normality via silence. But, this comment bothered me as I scissored away my day. I wondered, what am I supposed to do? Be a real grown-up? I thought about what that might entail. I envisioned an alternate reality where my free time proceeded as follows.
1. Slip off high heels that I somehow know how to walk in.
2. Pour my self a glass of wine and not spit it out like the Doctor does ala Doctor who. But, instead I some how enjoy it and not complain it tastes like nyquil and goats ass.
3. Reminisce about sonnets?
4. Watch the news instead of sci-fi or cartoons, and not giggle in my pyro trance state when I see fire, but see that it actually is pretty horrible.
5. Grown up me, would never build a fort when I'm sad.
6. Dress in layers for some reason. No capes.
7. Wear real bras, and complain they're uncomfortable.
8. Wipe off make up with some sort of fancy rag? Not to mention know how make up goes on.
Admittedly, things are becoming vague. I play with toys, I build forts, I wear a cape, know the theme to Spongebob by heart and yes I'm 33. I'm different, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
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Is there Twitter masturbation announcement etiquette?
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I'm in the habit of following perverts, they are supportive, enjoyable company. Some days, I find my timeline brimming with masturbation announcements. I've never been sure as to the proper response to this, so I simply say "Enjoy your masturbation.". It is no doubt an act they find enjoyable enough to announce it so, I feel the need to wish them well, much like if they were going shopping. I have found I am the only one doing this, however. Perhaps, there are no etiquette guidelines for wanking. I believe that there should be. In lieu of set pleasantries there should, at the very least, be an Irish blessing akin to "May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back." I'm not sure what would be a prudent choice for such a saying. "May your stank not linger long upon your fingers." could possibly work.
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Pervert Originality (or the lack thereof)
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I've denied several follower requests lately all entirely due to lack of originality. Not to mention diversity. As an Aspie it's sometimes a challenge for me to open my mind beyond my personal interests. Not everyone wants to listen to me ramble about Tori Amos. I have to be fair and listen to them ramble about their children too. I may not have much to contribute, but I do try to listen. Or at least read, since the majority of my interactions come in the form of text. However, some twitter types can be entirely focused on sex. I'll often peruse though someones tweets before accepting someone. In my heart I'm always hoping for a someone who can talk nerdy to me. A great many perverts are fantastically nerdy. Geek plus pervyness often combines for an enjoyable perspective. Sometimes in my initial assessment, I realize the unfairness that the label normal buys. There are those in the pervert flock who tweet only about sex. I'm hard, I'm horny, I'm fondling my bits..etc. etc. Pages of it, and nothing but. Yet, I'm the one who is reminded by Asperger's literature to branch out. Almost makes me want to live tweet episodes of Doctor who...
Oh look it's the Tardis!
Rose is dressing in period garb.
Christopher Eccleston is walking!!!!
Yeah.... no one wants to read that.
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Pre-mature Ejaculation is efficient
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I recall watching an Axe deodorant on Hulu. I've seen the ad many times, but this is the first time I realized the ad was hinting at sweat being like pre-mature ejaculation. I understand the embarrassment of it occurring, but not the stigma. It's remarkably efficient. I've personally never had an orgasm with a man, so to me, it makes sense for a man to come in his pants. It would speed things up. I want the experience of being desired, he wants a nice cum. Win/win. Now, I can watch Battlestar Galatica. Although, that may be my inexperience showing. Not to mention the fact that I'm unsure if I ever want to have sex again, currently I'd much prefer a Bobba Fett action figure. Pre-mature ejaculation is the ultimate compliment if you think about it. A man finds you so attractive he positively explodes in his pants. What's not to love? I like the clarity and directness of it myself. I've always thought of sex being like baking cookies for a man. Yes, sex is basically wanking much with someone elses bits but it's like baking too. You get the joy of baking and the pleasure of making the cookies, he gets the satisfaction of enjoying the fruits of the baking. Pre-mature jizz is perhaps more like Chips Ahoy, quick, messy, satisfaction in an instant.
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Zombies
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I was listening to Usher's song "D.J got us falling in love again." while at work. I rarely listen to the radio, unless I'm sleepy. I happened to fixate on the lyrics "Thank god the week is done, I feel like a zombie brought back to life." I had to take issue with Usher at this point of the song. Zombies are technically the living dead. If they weren't some form of alive then how would they go about merrily consuming brains? How would they shamble? Are they not, in fact, alive? It's unclear, and vague, and lacking the essential polish a true wordsmith would bestow. Is Usher comparing himself to a zombie whose humanity has been recently restored? Or a zombie who was beheaded and re-animated but is still a member of the unholy zombie nation. I find this dissonance truly appalling.
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